Tuesday, 10 November 2009


Whoops haven't written here for months...Sorry i just haven't had much to say really or been that well as such...Those who are on facebook and friends with me will know that i have been in hospital a couple of times and been scanned, poked and prodded to point where am pretty fed up of being vampired (blood taken) having to go wee or feel like i should be aglow inside with all the ultrasounds...This is all to do with the lower abdominal pain that is still here and as yet no cause has been found :o( It's the reason i have been hospitalised twice and could have been more but there is no point when they don't do anything except starve me.

I have no idea if anyone who is not on facebook can see the page or if you have to be a member on facebook. The page being one i created for my jewellery and other crafts which will appear at some point. If you are on facebook check out Minerva Jewellery & Craft
Facebook Minerva Jewellery & Craft
Hope that link works and even if you're not on facebook then you could try it and see if it works. There is prices on all the photographs and there will be more photos coming soon.

Kerry is now getting regular physio and she also has an appointment to be seen by neurology in a couple of weeks time...Am gonna be in london on the 21st for a friends 50th birthday party :o)
Do promise that i will post a proper catch up either later this week or next week
Caff xxx

Friday, 19 June 2009

catchy up again lol

My scan was a waste of time...The stupid woman only scanned my ovaries and naff all else...I asked her if it could be kidney stones and she said possibly there is a lot in that area it could be and to ask my GP when my results get to him...I already know the results as she told me that my ovaries were normal...Why oh why in this super technological age does it take TWELVE fricking days for results to get to my GP from the hospital...Have they not heard of EMAIL or failing that a FAX!!!!!! It's bluddy ridiculous that it should take that length of time...Then again they use the local NHS internal mailing system and first class post from it is roughly 2 weeks...And am still in PAIN...K threatened to dial 999 for an ambulance on wed night...Told her not to as it's not like my life is at stake and personally 999 for an ambulance to me is for life threatening circumstances or something major bad...Plus am too busy to go near a hospital as there's another 18th tomorrow and M's awards ceremony on mon and social worker on mon afternoon and the british grand prix on sun...Oh and wimbledon starts on mon too LOL...Ok i don't wanna go there unless dragged and am sure if these painkillers stop working there are others i can be given...Am an awkward cow i know :o)

Tomorrow M is going on a limo to this 18th birthday party...I've been told i can go along too and to be there at the venue for roughly 7.30pm...The venue is about 5 mins walk so great don't have to drive :o) M i sreally looking forward to it...Last sun he had an 18th birthday BBQ in the middle of no-where...We got lost several times trying to find it...The lads mothers directions sucked to say the least, both the written directions and the ones she gave on phone twice on the day...Me and the other mum who was along got told we could stay so we did...She regretted it and well i had wanted to go to the nearby village for the afternoon but stayed with her...Put it this way the others who were there were all a bit snobby...Tomorrow will be much better :o)

My great nephew has been in hospital :o( He got an operation on his tummy on tues afternoon and is all better now...He got home yesterday :o) I went to see him on wed night and it's first time i have managed to see him...He's gorgeous...All smiles with loads of black hair and big wide blue eyes and he looks like his dad...Not saying that cos his dad is my nephew he does look like him...Bit of a worry for everyone though but all well and on the mend now...I can't pronounce let alone spell what was wrong with him LOL...As he was poorly i got him another outfit and some bibs on tues night in asda sale LOL

I mentioned social worker...She was round on mon afternoon and it's first time we had met...She is really nice unlike her idiot boss...The one who after 6 years still hasn't a clue about disability/special needs or how to do his job properly and wonders why he keeps losing staff...Anyways it was ME who had to phone to get M transfered to adult services...This didn't happen with G but i wasn't so fussed about him...M is going to a mainstream course after the summer hols and IF he needs outside support it has to be paid for either via social work or direct payments...Whichever way both require needing social work input...She couldn't have been more helpful :o) She was even speaking about supported accomodation or support to live in your own accomodation and such like...Something that will be needed in the future...Pity we can't keep her but she is for children with disabilities and he's 18 now...She is coming back on mon to finish off the transfer assessment form.

G got two A's and two B's in his results :o) One of the B's was for product design...His groups 'product' didn't do very well but better than others...They had to design and build a robot that would follow a line that was in a loop...His groups one managed to walk a whole 2-3 inches before it fell over but it did follow the line...Also they had to do individual talks on what part they played in that project...With his aspergers it makes talking in front of people extremely difficult and he must have managed pretty well to get a B...So am proud of him

Right better go finish some cards that have been ordered...I want to get them posted off tomorrow

Toodle pip xx

Friday, 5 June 2009

Excuses for lack of entries lol

Oh flip here we go again i keep promising to do an entry and then not doing one...I am sorry but i have been feeling really crap to say the least...Actually i've been in a lot of pain since near the end of march :o( I left it a while thinking it would naff off but i eventually gave in when it got worse and went to the docs near end april...He decided to refer me for a scan as he wasn't sure what could be the cause...He put me on dihydrocodeine as well for the pain...This week i have felt physically sick with the pain and it refuses to go away at all...I had K in A&E on monday night and one of the doctors there ended up giving me painkillers even though i wasn't the patient...It was only a week yesterday i got a letter asking me to phone radiology to make an appointment for ultrasound...So it is next thurs morning (11th) IF i can last that long...I was back at docs yesterday and am on higher dose dihydrocodeine...At least they are dulling the pain although not getting rid...He's ruled out appendix as too low down and so much pain i would be dead by now as it would have burst...Been suggested could be a cyst, am sure this doc reckons it is gynae related...I just hope something shows on the scan so i don't feel stupid and that they sort it out ASAP...The last time i was in this much pain i ended up getting my gall bladder out and time before i gave birth 3 times LOL...Whatever it is am now sure it is pressing on my bladder as am fed up going to the loo...Anyways this is why i have barely written or done any commenting on other blogs.

So to more light hearted stuff...I was stopped by the police again last week LOL...And i know why this time...I had driven M up to his old school to hand in some party invites...On the way i was coming up the next street down from ours when a police car was turning into that street...It is a very narrow street but i had right of way and he didn't have blue lights on...So i didn't reverse back for him as he appeared to want...There was plenty room for him to get in anyways if he wanted or he could wait until i came out...As i said to M in a loud voice with window wide open i had right of way and he was the one with the special training in driving I looked in my rear view mirror as he went past us and saw him trying to do a 3 point turn on the narrow street...I had just parked the car in front of my flat when there was a knock on my window...Low and behold one of the policemen...So i opened the window and he asked if it was my car and did i have my licence on me...Said yes to both and gave him my licence...He walked round the car as i was saying in 29 years of driving this was only 2nd time i had been stopped...Told him the last time had been in march this year...I also looked in my wing mirror and could see the driver of the police car had a face like thunder...After my tyres and car had been checked he came back to beside my window with his back to the police car...I asked him outright if this was because of what had just happened and that i had been in the right and his partner in the wrong...He laughed and said his partner wasn't happy but he was a rubbish driver and gave me back my licence and said not to worry and left...So because so idiot police driver couldn't drive very well he got the hump and stopped an innocent member of the public who was driving properly...At least his partner knew who was in the wrong...Still does make you wonder just how often incidents like this happen.

I mentioned a party above and it was for M's 18th...Can't believe my baby is now all growed up and an adult...We went bowling and then to pizza hut and that was organised in just a week...We only had one person unable to go which wasn't bad at such short notice...He'd been at an 18th the previous sat and he has one next weekend and another the weekend after...Since beginning of may all we seem to have had is 18th birthday parties lol...The one in two weeks time he is going in a limo...I have to take him to where they are being picked up by the limo and then he will be coming all the way back up near us...He's well excited about the limo as he's never been in one before and always wanted to go in one...He's defo got into the Introduction to IT course at the college for next year, starting in august :o) I do need to check see what kind of support he will get though...They have an awards ceremony at the college on 22nd for the learning opportunities course so he's all excited about that as they get a certificate...He likes awards ceremonies and certificates lol...G hasn't had his results yet from uni...K's boyfriend got a 2:1 in his degree :o)

I became a great auntie 2 weeks ago :o) My eldest nephew is now a proud daddy to a bouncing 9lb 1 oz boy with tons of dark hair...I so wanted to get up there this weekend but am nto safe to drive :o( I really want to see Rhys (thats his name) and i have been buying loads of stuff and more than likely be told off about it.

Got to go now as am feeling a bit sore and woozy again

Toodle pip tc xx

Thursday, 7 May 2009

M on radio please listen if you can

Ok i've not written for ages but i have felt a bit crap and anytime i sat down to write something here i got interruppted and forgot...Am offski for a quick bath in a mo so won't be long catching up will do a proper one later in the week i promise.

Mikey is gonna be on a local community radio station on sat being interviewed about young people and disability...Ok so i can just hear you all saying "if it's local then no use to you to tune in to"...They have a website and as with a lot of radio websites you can tune in online :o) The website is www.shmu.org.uk He will be on air around 11am (UK time) i think...Am sure that's what the woman said yesterday...I just hope he comes across alright and doesn't just give yes or no answers to the questions asked of him...I should get him on the *talk/lecture* circuit LOL

Monday, 16 March 2009

All shook up

This morning i didn't feel too good...Well i could barely open my eyes they were so sore with a headache that i managed to wake the boys but didn't make it to college myself...At midday my buzzer went (how i dunno as postie broke it) and it was the police wanting access to the building...Actually they were after me or more to the point after Mikey...Which by look on my face they could tell i was shocked/worried as they said nothing to worry about...One of his classmates from college had been missing all weekend so they were checking with everyone...I said Mikey was at college but he had the afternoon off and tues morning off...Also that i had no idea of any of the kids in his class names except for one of the girls...That Mikey didn't go out with any of his classmates outwith college times...They left and said the kid has gone awol before and turned up so not to worry...Well when Mikey came home he said this kid was at college this morning!!!...Hmmm would have thought either the parents or the police should have checked there first thing...Once Mikey was home i felt well enough, just. to drive to post office to post sympathy cards...So driving along minding my own business, not speeding (for once lol) into sainsburys carpark and finding a space beside post office easily when the car behind stops across back of mine...Next i know there's this policewoman at my window so i opened it...She wanted to know if the car was mine and did i have my licence on me...She looked at the front of the car, checked my road tax and parking permit for outside here all the time saying nothing...Not even her name when i asked for it...She hands me back my licence and said i was ok and naffed off back into the unmarked car which was blocking me in and they drove off...Me left sat there in shock with no explanation as to why i had been basically stopped...With i might add loads of people stood staring at me...I still feel quite shook up about all this police goings on today...I've never been checked out when driving a car before by the police...I have had police at the door once before nearly 12 years ago about a missing person associated with Mikey...Sadly that lad was found murdered a few days later :o( I got impression this lad from college maybe goes off out with friends and stays with them overnight and doesn't think to contact parents to let them know...When they have special needs that can be a major worry depending on what their special needs/disability is...I phoned the police station when i got home and apparently they can just stop you without explanation and give no reason when asked...BUT if you ask their name or better their badge number then they must give you it...I didn't ask for badge number...I just hopo they were genuine and not trying to nick my identity lol...They're welcome to it as there ai n't much of one to nick ROFL

Anyways Mikey had his information session and it went well he said...He didn't need to show any qualifications for this introductory course...All you need is to be interested and keen...He has said that he has a place on it :o) Wonder how i can check without Mikey knowing lol...Oh he is going out now with friends from college on a sunday afternoon...Well yesterday was the second time and they are old friends from school...Him and one other lad and the others are girls...He bought himself a hat yesterday.

Stuart from Speciman Days has now gone private so if you read his blog and still want to then you need to email him at the following addy:- email@kafkasworld.com

Am going to relax by checking on my garden on facebook lol as i still feel a bit shaky

Toodle pip tc xx

Sunday, 15 March 2009

Catchy up

Oops i haven't written anything for weeks...Not really had much to write about to be honest...My college course is going ok...I still need to find material suitable which isn't easy as we don't have anywhere up here that sells much in way of fabric...Well there is John Lewis and another shop...John Lewis haberdashery section is to be quite frank crap these days and has been for quite a while...Shame as it used to be rather good...The other shop doesn't sell suit material :o( I still have some time to find some as we make a twall (sp) first...Twall being the mock up in calico where you make any adjustments needed to fit like a glove.

Garath was 19 last week (gulp) I bought him some fcuk jeans and a hoodie that were so vastly reduced in a store closing sale they cost less than original price of the hoodie LOL...Otherwise there is no way i would have paid just under £100 for one pair of jeans...BTW i didn't pay near that for what i bought either :o) ...Had some sad news on thurs as one of my aunties has passed away :o( The funeral is on tues but i don't know if i will get to it yet...She was 80 so had had a long life but it's still sad.

Went along to a craft fair today with one of my friends but it was a bit rubbish...Put it this way we didn't buy anything and we must have been in the hall 10 mins max...We weren't the only ones who didn't stay long either...Shame for the 2 stalls that did have lovely stuff for sale...But then again am sure there are plenty people who wouldn't like my stuff...Then again most of the people who had stalls at the last one by this group weren't there today...I haven't got my cupboard on the stairs gutted yet but aim to do so soon.

I went to the gig, The Kaiser Chiefs, that Garath bought me a ticket for as my christmas pressie from him...I didn't care that i was on my own and i threw caution to the wind and went right down the front where everyone was being squashed :o) Got some cracking pics of the group :o)

Mikey has applied to do an introductory course to I.T. at the college...He has some information session thing tomorrow morning about it...Fingers crossed he gets into it as i don't know if i can go through another year of him doing the SEN course where he is getting bullied and the college do sod all about it.

Anyways i promise to try and not leave so long next time...Some pics below

Toodle pip tc xx

This looks really dark but it's not...The freshwater pearls are called peacock and are a grey colour...The swarovski crystals are heliotrope and a dark blue with special coating on them...I really like this set as i like the colours with the silver and i assure you it is much paler in reality.

Round freshwater pearls in natural cream colour with peridot coloured swarovski crystals

I like the chain i used on this one...The swarovski crystals are white opal...The round silver beads are corrugated and it makes a change from being plain

Thursday, 19 February 2009


I want to gather together some leaves and other similar stuff that can burn to use with PMC paste...PMC is precious metal clay and i got some delivered today...I haven't used it before but it can't be that difficult IMO...I always did love playing with plasticine as a kid And i have made and used my own salt dough...Plus the thing i loved doing best when i studied jewellery at art school was casting...To me this is a different way of doing something similar...Except the piece made from the clay will be the finished article instead of being turned into a cast to pour molten metal into...PMC is made up of microscopic bits of silver or gold which are suspended in a binder that is clay like...Once you have made the piece you want, allowing for shrinkage, then you fire it...The binder burns off and you are left with finished article in silver or gold...The silver version is a bit more pure than sterling silver and can be assayed and hallmarked...The gold version is approx 22K so almost pure gold and can also be assayed and hallmarked...The orginal type can only be fired in a kiln and i can't afford a kiln yet...It also shrinks more than later versions...Newer versions are less porous, therefore stronger, and can be fired in a kiln, on a gas hob or using a butane torch...I am so looking forward to working with it and creating stuff...A local ceramic place uses it for doing necklaces of kids thumbprints...A dod of clay, kid sticks thumb in, clay is fired, chain is added, you pay £30 and bobs yer uncle...Actually the clay ain't that cheap...Essentially i want it for making leaves, flowers etc for tiaras....You can buy it as a paste/slip as well...That's either for joining bits together OR to paint onto the likes of leaves or bits of bark or anything that can be burnt off.

All of the above means gutting the cupboard on the stairs...Clearing all the crap out, rearranging what is in it, and getting a heater for in there...Am hoping the little side window opens so i can move the tumble drier onto the floor below it and have hose sticking out instead of beside the other window...I would have had it all cleared out this week but i have felt ugh...Sore tummy, headaches, bit of a temp and just general ugh feeling.

Toodle pip tc xx

Thursday, 12 February 2009


Am sat here watching 'A very British storm junkie' on channel 4 +1...I'd love to have the money and the time to do what this bloke does...Going all over the place looking for hurricanes, typhoons or tornadoes...I know it sounds weird but am sure am not the only person on the planet whos dream holiday would be to go tornado chasing and see a F5...Guess i could wait and do it in my old age...Well older aged than i am just now.

Tomorrow the boys and me are going out for a meal and am not paying :o) No idea where yet just hope we can find somewhere that isn't booked out or charging a fortune cos valentines on saturday...Trying to persuade M that i would like flowers but for him to wait and get me them as a late b/day pressie is proving difficult...I really don't like getting flowers on my actual birthday as the prices are so bumped up cos of valentines...I appreciate the florists need to make money and especially so in the current climate...I just get peeved it means any birthday flowers for me either cost an arm and a leg or are late or very early.

I read on teletext earlier in the week that Facebook is a modern addiction and taking over from traditional addictions like smoking, drugs or sex...Hmmm lets see Facebook requires me to have a computer and internet connection and not a lot else...Smoking i did away with, drugs no thanks and sex requires a partner (can't be bothered with one of them anymore lol)...Think i will stick with Facebook as i love a lot of the games on it, it keeps me in contact with friends all over the place :o) Most of the people i have on my facebook i have actually met in person and am not in habit of just nattering to any old weirdo on here...The only weirdos i do natter to online are ones i have met for real

Ohhh mr storm junkie is in trouble gonna go watch the rest of this without distraction :o)

Tuesday, 10 February 2009


Just a test to see if the notify peeps by email works lol

Monday, 9 February 2009

Who do you think you are

Am watching Who Do You Think You Are with Fiona Bruce...Her journey has taken her up to the Moray firth coast about 20-25 miles along from where i grew up...What they have shown of one of her ancestors fishing life is same as my grandads would have been...Do find it amusing Elgin being called a town...It is a town but also because it has a cathedral it is a cathedral city...Do wish the narrator would stop pronouncing Moray as in Mo - ray like the eel...People from up there pronounce it same as you would murray...Am curious now to know where the poorhouse was in Buckie...I kinda of want to try and trace my family tree but am not sure where to begin...I can go back to the late 1800's easily as my grandparents were born then...The families on both sides were so big that i'd need a massive wall to write it all down on lol...I have a friend who does genealogy as a job so i will ask her about it all...Just been interesting seeing bits on the telly from up my home way


As i briefly mentioned the other day i have started a 1 morning a week course at the local college...I signed up for it last may or june and am glad it has finally started...As most of you know Garath has a phobia of buttons which a) sounds weird and b) not too annoying...It is extremely irritating and annoying and restrictive...He can appear standoffish as he won't stand close to someone wearing buttons...He can't wear a shirt or a smart jacket...Shirts are ok for now as ones that stud fasten are sort of in fashion...Jackets are a whole different ball game...Hence this course which is all about pattern making and designing garments...Or you can adapt a bog standard garment pattern...That is what i intend to do with a gents suit jacket pattern...Where i will get material from is another story...We have john lewis and 1 other shop that sells fabric...John lewis don't have material that is suitable for a suit whether you be female or male and the other shop can only order in...I'd prefer to see in person but that is going to entail travelling some distance :o( I may have to do the same for a pattern i don't know yet as i haven't checked that out...We learnt how to mark out a bodice pattern today...Next week is trousers...Needless to say i am not allowed to walk down the road with Mikey or to associate with him if i bump into him at college lol...Even today when i told him i would take him for lunch and we would go buy the tea towels and padlock he needs for wed...I had to phone his mobile several times before he would answer it to then inform me he was stood outside poundland...I was expecting him to wait for me outside college lol

Apparently it was -12 degrees here last night...Ok it did feel cold but not as cold as some other nights have been...It's supposed to get colder tonight...There are huge icicles hanging from the leaking overflow that look quite dangerous...The bloke out the back has put buckets down to catch the water as it was freezing on his tarmac and making it dangerous to walk on...and the numptie who owns the flat that has the leaking overflow still says it's not his!!!!!...Am defo phoning enviromental health tomorrow or maybe going down and into the council offices to speak to them...My bedroom is uninhabitable cos of the damage and it's starting to be a real nuisance...I'd post photos of the snow but i haven't taken any as it's not a rare occurance lol...Even the icy pavements aren't rare as it is now 8 years ago since i fell on very thick ice on my pavement and damaged my scapula...I did think they would have had the pavement gritter out on the main streets though...My pavement still wouldn't get done although the pavement at other side of the street would...It's a different area and any jobsworth pavement gritter people have refused to do this side even though they have to drive back up the flipping street...Although i like snow i do want enough of it to disappear so i can collect some leaves and anything else similar that will burn away...Not for a fire for something else.

Toodle pip tc xx

Sunday, 8 February 2009

Lost my halo somewhere down the years

Erm anyone know how i add my Facebook to my sidebar on here???? Cos i ain't managed to get to work...Oh a pic of me when i was 2...Whatever happened to the innocent angel LOLOLOL

Yeah i made an update :o)

Oh my a chance remark on facebook and now i find two people from my murky past on blogger lol...Oh well stranger thingsa have happened and i have neglected my poor journal shamefully these last few weeks...So quick update as nothing much has been happening.

Mikey had a review at college and the upshot is that he is going to be applying to do an introductory course to IT...As he has no standard grades he can't do the course where you do highers and intermediates...So this is a slightly longer different way to eventually do what he wants to do...Which is media, filming computer related stuff...Now college is on the 2nd block of the year (they only have 2 blocks) his subjects have changed slightly but he is still doing IT...And finally he is getting to do the intermediate 2 level :o) Although his guidance blokey is nice he still really didn't get my point...My point being that it is really silly to have a course that is for students with SEN that only operates at the lowest denominator...And for those who are already at the level taught or beyond it the course is NOT about getting used to being in college...That is what the 1 day a week course he did last year is for...Mikey didn't say until this week that he is still being hassled by some of his classmates...From what he said they are telling him to be quite in class when he answers all the questions...He feels he is being bullied and he feels he is being bullied because he can answer the questions and they can't...I knew something was up as he has been a grumpy (expletive deleted) for several weeks and being a right pain to me and Garath...I think i will pop along on mon and see if i can have a word with the guidance teacher...I am in college on monday mornings myself...Last week was the first week and i learnt how to take ones measurements and how to make the pattern for a basic skirt...From that pattern you can adapt and make different skirt designs...Not that i will be making any skirts for me as i really dislike wearing them...This coming monday it is bodices which if you add to the skirt can make a dress...The chances of me wearing a dress are even more remote than a skirt lol

I have been making more jewellery...Drawing up designs for jewellery and cards and other stuff...Kerry has been working on a banner for the website which is going to be the logo...am also working on what to write on the website.

I've had enviromental health round and i really need to get a hold of the woman...She was sending the owner of the flat with the leaking overflow a letter giving him X amount of days to fix it...If he doesn't do so then they will be allowed to access his premises to shut the water off...There is a heck of a lot of damage around my bedroom window from the water from the overflow pouring in....Lovely NOT

We've had snow but that's normal...Some schools being closed up in the north east cos of snow is normal...And the buses don't decide not to run because of a couple of inches of snow unlike london it would appear...I went out this afternoon and when i came out of asda it was snowing but i still drove home...Driving really mega slow in the snow is actually a bad idea...Am not saying you should be speeding along at goodness knows what but unless you are in a whiteout you are more likely to slip and slide if driving at 5 miles an hour than at 15 or 20mph...Have to laugh at the news banging on about it being the worst snow for 18 years...Erm no we had worse snow 3 years ago lol...That time instead of the usual 2-3 inches in my street we had 2 feet

Anyways Mikey has respite tomorrow (providing place is open) and am still undecided what all PMC stuff i want to get...You will find out in due course what it is :o)

Toodle pip tc

PS: some pics from this afternoon before more snow came down...I just liked the pinks and blues in the sky

Sunday, 25 January 2009


I know i know i haven't posted for ages and ages...I've not had much to say as such and well i keep feeling sick and getting bad headaches...But hey ho i thought i would write about a school burns supper that took place when i was in 6th year.

Am sure i wrote this in my old AOL journal but there are people reading this one now who didn't read the old one so no harm in a repeat...Besides it is funny IMO...When i was in 6th year which hear in scotland is as far as you can go at school one of the teachers decided to organise a Burns supper...A few of us pupils from 6th year who were doing art were all supposed to be helping with creating scenery for the annual school panto...Within a week of starting it ended up mainly with me and one of the lads doing it all...For the actual performances he was doing the lighting and i was helping change the scenery over between scenes...Well one of the teachers who was playing the pantomime dame (he was incredibly funny) took quite an interest in our efforts...He's the one who decided to organise a Burns supper...So i was sat in the 6th year art room one day happily messing about and having a laugh when in he walks and asks if i will carry in a haggis for a Burns night...I still can't remember how he persuaded me as i really can't stand haggis and didn't like being centre of attention at all...I borrowed a tartan skirt from a neighbour and got all tarted up and ready for the big event...I had to weave my way between all these tables following said teacher who was playing the bagpipes praying i wouldn't let the thing drop...I held it up as high as possible without looking too stupid so the smell didn't waft down too close to my nose lol...All during this i had to stiffle giggles...When i placed it in front of the head boy who was going to address it he looked at me and just about burst out laughing...He couldn't stand the stuff either so i don't think i have heard an address done as quickly as his...He did have problems trying to cut it open though...Now the reason behind that is why him and me were trying not to break out in fits of laughter...You see they had drafted in some of the school cooks to cook haggis for the night...Well they had cooked en masse in the large catering trays...No-one had though to buy a proper wee haggis in it's skin for the ceremony...So one of the cooks got a plastic sandwich bag and filled it up with haggis tucking the ends in so it looked vaguely like the real deal...A great big seam running down the centre of it just added to the hilarity of it all...I don't think i will ever forget the look on the head boys face when i plonked that haggis in front of him for as long as i live...For any of you who may be attending a burns supper then enjoy it and i wish that it is a proper haggis on the plate.

Sunday, 4 January 2009

I love you dad

In 4 hours time it will be 22 years exactly since my dad passed away...This year is the first one i can recall where the anniversary of his passing has been fallen on the same day of the week as the one he passed away on...Sunday Jan 4th 1987 at 5am in the morning and i still remember it vividly...I still miss my dad very much and i so wish he was still here...Dad had some very rare disease that i can't remember the name of now...He'd had it for the last 2 years of his life and it affected all his major organs :o( In fact it came to light via both his kidneys failing one weekend...He was on dialysis for the last 2 years of his life...He was on a type called CAPD (i think) that meant he got it at home and administered it himself...But if it wasn't working properly or he got an infection he had to go in hospital to be put on the machines...The last year of his life he spent more time in hospital through here in the city than he did at home :o( That meant i got to see more of him though and we became even closer...He would tell me off for going up to visit him every night and said i didn't need to...Well he was right i didn't NEED to i WANTED to...I did relent and didn't always go up but that was rare...The last time he was rushed into hospital i was home for the weekend...One of my cousins was getting married and i got a bus from work to the village where he was getting married to go to the dance at night...I found out there that my mum and my brother and my older sis and her hubby had been trying to get dad to go to hospital but he wouldn't...He wasn't at the wedding as he was too poorly to go...The next day was a sunday and when i got up i went through to say hi to dad...We spent a short time chatting and then he asked me to get them to phone for the doctor...To this day i am totally convinced that dad knew he wouldn't come out of hospital alive that time...Also that because i was going to be at home for the first time in ages he was waiting to see me at home before he would go to hospital...That was at the end of nov and by christmas time it was obvious he wouldn't be home for a while...I went home for new year that year and mum gave me a lift back in for my work on the sat...She went to visit dad and spent all morning and most of the afternoon with him...I didn't know that whilst mum was in he was put on the machine for dialysis...My best friend from school was staying with me that saturday night...Her mum had been in major bad car crash just before the christmas and she was going to visit her mum...The next day she was getting a flight back to london (where she lives) at 7.30am...We both went up to the hospital but i didn't spend much time with dad that evening :o( He was hooked up to the machine on dialysis and for all the world looked sound asleep...I got no response out of him and couldn't find a doctor or nurse...Not that it was unusual so i just went downstairs to the lobby to wait for my friend...Thing is i was upset and i felt weird and couldn't explain why...I briefly wondered about phoning my mum and family to say i didn't think dad was right but i decided not to worry them at night...Besides mum had been in during the day and well she'd have said if anything was up i thought...So me and my friend go back to my flat at the time and have a few drinks and a natter and watch some telly and go to bed reasonably early for getting up on the sunday morning...I had my alarm set for 6.30am but i woke up at 4.55am...I looked at the clock and remember that time vividly but shrugged it off as waking up early for the alarm...Then i felt someone in my room with me and it was a strange feeling but a peaceful sensation...I looked at the clock and it said 5am...I knew that my dad was in the room with me and he was saying goodbye...I'd had a fitful sleep up until that point and i fell asleep deeply and my alarm awoke me with a jolt at the time it was meant to...My friend got on her taxi for the airport but i was wide awake...The phone went at 8am and i knew before i answered it that it was mum and i knew what she was going to tell me so i sat in the floor...I picked up the phone and startled her by saying hi mum, she told me to sit down and asked if my uncle (the one who lives in same city as me) had been round...I told her no but i knew what she was about to tell me and when she asked what i said dad has died...She told me the time that the hospital had told her it had happened at and it was 5am...The time i felt him with me in my room saying goodbye.

It took me weeks to get used to not going up to visit him in hospital...I would find myself stood at the bus stop waiting for the bus that goes that way...When all the family went up to the dialysis unit to hand over a cheque my little sis couldn't face going in...She stayed outside the doors with a nurse...When the sister asked how we were all coping my big sis said she didn't think it had hit them yet as he had spent so little time at home that last year...At which point i blurted out it had hit me as i was always up there and ran out in tears...I gave birth to kerry the oct following dads passing away...I have said plenty times on my journal that i didn't know i was pregnant what i haven't said is am utterly convinced my dad sent her to me...I was on the pill when i fell pregnant with her and the gynecologist and midwife blamed the pill failing on me being in an emotional upheaval cos of dad...Doesn't matter because i still reckon he sent her to help me to heal.

I miss my dad big time...I was always more of a daddys girl...I wanted to be just like my dad and become a fisherman working on a seine net trawler just like him...If you are watching form above i LOVE you dad and always will and that love will never diminish.